A fine romance my good fellow.
 
 You take romance I'll take jello.
 
 You' re calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
 
 At least they flap their fins to express emotion.
 
 
 
 A fine romance with no quarells
 
 With no insults and all morals
 
 I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
 
 I never get the chance; this is a fine romance!
 
 
 
 A fine romance with no kisses
 
 A fine romance my friends this is
 
 To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has
 
 We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has.
 
 
 
 A fine romance with no clinches
 
 A fine romance with no flinches
 
 You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
 
 I haven't got a chance.
 
 My heart isn't made of plastic you're the reason I'm sarcastic; 'cause this is a fine fine romance!