[00:00.150]And everyone should get along
[00:04.590]Okay, children, quiet down, quiet down
[00:07.650]Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
[00:11.860]His name is Mr. Shady
[00:14.260]Children, quiet down, please
[00:16.300]Brian, don't throw that! (Shut up!)
[00:18.120]Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia
[00:21.860](He's got A1DS!)
[00:22.570]Good luck, Mr. Shady!
[00:23.870]Hi there, little boys and girls (Fvxk you!)
[00:26.220]Today we're gonna learn how to poison squirrels
[00:28.260]But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
[00:30.530]Say hi, Bob ("Hi, Bob!")
[00:31.840]Bob's thirty and still lives with his mom
[00:33.590]And he don't got a job 'cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
[00:36.440]But his twelve-year-old brother looks up to him an awful lot
[00:39.150]And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
[00:41.630]And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock
[00:44.120]When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
[00:47.070]Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (Ahh!)
[00:49.940]And even if they escaped and they got the cops
[00:52.400]The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge
[00:55.190]'Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
[00:57.440]When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
[01:00.340]But Stacey knew it was Bob and said, "Knock it off!"
[01:02.530]But Bob wouldn't knock it off, 'cause he's crazy and off his rocker
[01:05.850]Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
[01:08.150]You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor
[01:10.940]He grabbed Stace' by the legs as he chopped it off her
[01:13.630]And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
[01:16.250]But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
[01:18.440]They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
[01:21.450]And that's the story of Bob and his mar1juana
[01:23.670]And what it might do to you
[01:24.970]So see if the squirrels want it, it's bad for you
[01:27.140]See, children, drvgs are bad (Come on)
[01:29.390]And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (Ask him, man)
[01:32.100]And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (That's right)
[01:34.530]She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (She will)
[01:37.480]So kids, say no to drvgs (That's right)
[01:39.840]So you don't act like everyone else does (Uh-huh)
[01:42.630]And there's really nothin' else to say (Sing along)
[01:45.500]Drvgs are just bad, mmkay?
[01:47.570]My pen1s is the size of a peanut, have you seen it?
[01:50.340]Fvxk, no! You ain't seen it! It's the size of a peanut (Huh?)
[01:53.110]Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels?
[01:55.950]Ecstasy, it's the worst drvg in the world
[01:58.200]If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it
[02:00.500]Kids, two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid
[02:03.290]And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back
[02:05.540]So don't get attached, or it'll attack every bone in your back
[02:08.440]Meet Zach: twenty-one years old
[02:10.610]After hangin' out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold
[02:13.660]And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys
[02:16.490]And the peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
[02:19.200]Suddenly, he starts to convulse
[02:20.950]And his pulse goes into hyperdrive
[02:22.650]And his eyes roll back in his skull (Blblblblblb)
[02:24.450]His back starts to look like the McDonald's Arches
[02:27.090]He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal, barfin' (Bleh)
[02:29.810]And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him
[02:32.290]"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackaxs, look at him!"
[02:34.880]'Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny
[02:36.890]So they're laughin' at basically nothin'
[02:38.510]Except maybe wastin' their money
[02:40.200]Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over
[02:42.820]And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin' yoga
[02:45.820]And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac
[02:48.540]So don't even feed that to squirrels, class, 'cause it's bad for you
[02:51.380]See, children, drvgs are bad (That's right)
[02:53.580]And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (That's right)
[02:56.190]And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (You can)
[02:58.800]She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (She will)
[03:01.680]So kids, say no to drvgs (Don't sm0ke craxk)
[03:04.160]So you don't act like everyone else does (That's right)
[03:06.900]And there's really nothin' else to say (But umm…)
[03:09.720]Drvgs are just bad, mmkay?
[03:11.730]And last but not least, one of the most humongous
[03:14.480]Problems among young people today is fungus
[03:17.040]It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, bag it up
[03:20.410]And you put it right in your mouth and chew it
[03:22.340]Yum-yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
[03:24.950]And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em
[03:27.850]And sometimes, you see things that aren't there (Like what?)
[03:30.260]Like fat women in G-strings with orange hair
[03:32.890](Mr. Shady, what's a G-string?) It's yarn, Claire
[03:35.580]Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?)
[03:38.460]And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
[03:40.700]Whoops, did I say "magic mushrooms"? I meant fungus
[03:43.320]Your tongue gets all swoll up like a cow's tongue
[03:45.980](How come?) 'Cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!)
[03:48.880]See, drvgs are bad, it's a common fact
[03:50.810]But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!)
[03:53.610]But don't be me, 'cause if you grow up and you go and OD
[03:56.510]They're gonna come for me, and I'ma have to grow a goatee
[03:59.150]And get a disguise and hide, 'cause it'll be my fault
[04:01.760]So don't do drvgs, and do exactly as I don't, 'cause I'm bad for you
[04:05.130]See, children, drvgs are bad (Uh-huh)
[04:07.380]And if you don't believe me, ask your dad (Put that down!)
[04:10.010]And if you don't believe him, ask your mom (You can ask)
[04:12.550]She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (And she will)
[04:15.470]So kids, say no to drvgs (Say no)
[04:17.900]So you don't act like everyone else does (Like I do)
[04:20.650]And there's really nothin' else to say (That's right)
[04:23.470]Drvgs are just bad, mmkay?
[04:25.950]Come on, children, clap along! (Shut up!)
[04:28.530]Sing along, children! (Suck my motherfvxkin' d1xk!)
[04:30.150]Come on, clap along
[04:32.060]Drvgs are just bad, drvgs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
[04:36.580]So don't do drvgs! (Kiss my motherfvxkin' axs!)
[04:38.640]So there'll be more for me (Hippie! Goddaxn it!)
[04:43.400](Mushrooms k1lled Kenny!) (Uh, the fart button's on)
[04:46.660](*Fart*) (Ew, ahh!)
[04:48.960]La la la (So fvxked up right now)