[00:00.000] 作词 : 幻想邦尼
[00:01.000] 作曲 : 幻想邦尼
[00:02.000] 编曲 : 幻想邦尼
[00:12.911]Ah
[00:14.210]Since a day I can't recall when,
[00:16.014]My heart's drumming turned intense, panic set in.
[00:18.712]Nighttimes spent swiping, screen's glow my only friend,
[00:21.667]Sleep delayed, from midnight to two, then deeper into the bend.
[00:25.338]Phone-induced slumber, a fleeting respite,
[00:28.043]Yet wakefulness returned with each scrolling spike.
[00:30.344]Content crass and raw, my mind's diet,
[00:33.473]In this cycle, sleep finally quieted the riot.
[00:36.179]Mornings met with a struggle to arise,
[00:38.697]Meetings survived, strength barely disguised.
[00:41.368]Their end, anxiety's embrace, tight,
[00:44.422]Projects stagnated, self-doubt's endless night.
[00:46.897]Weekends with my child, energy sparse,
[00:49.555]Willpower, my sole force.
[00:52.528]My son before me, yet a gulf so wide,
[00:55.133]Emotions veiled, communication, a tide receded inside.
[00:58.140]My speech, a sluggish stream, tone faint,
[01:00.554]With family, it dwindled, almost faint.
[01:02.994]Alone, thoughts of ending it all emerged,
[01:06.152]To the window, I'd wander, lost and purged.
[01:08.404]Twenty-five floors above, the abyss called,
[01:11.584]Thoughts intensified, like a siren's wail.
[01:14.435]Compelled to search, methods known,
[01:16.601]Events replayed, plastic bag tried, alone.
[01:19.537]Charcoal chosen, plans revised with care,
[01:22.345]News scoured, details studied, the aftermath to bear.
[01:25.102]Pain, consequences weighed, the decision set,
[01:27.700]Parents' welfare considered, Buddhism's teachings vetted.
[01:30.988]Death not the end, a fear ingrained,
[01:33.560]In my cart, charcoal, grill, tape arranged.
[01:35.938]A tent added, to spare embarrassment and strife,
[01:38.620]Thoughts of causing distress, a life cut short, rife.
[01:41.964]Drowning in these notions,
[01:43.676]Wrote a farewell, words weak, unsatisfying refrain.
[01:47.054]Then, clarity struggled, through the fog it led,
[01:49.497]To Peking University's Sixth Hospital, I was somehow conveyed.
[01:52.913]Doctors heard my tale, a diagnosis clear,
[01:55.616]Advised hospital stay, a path to steer.
[01:58.054]"I can't," I argued, projects on the line,
[02:00.512]Results came back: anxiety, depression, intertwined.
[02:03.388]"Persist," she urged, her aid limited by my will,
[02:06.539]Giving up meant defeat, a bitter pill.
[02:08.942]Medication in hand, a strange calm took hold,
[02:11.885]Diagnosed, a relief, a long-held story told.
[02:14.636]Thoughts of self-harm, now met with a cushioned bounce,
[02:17.200]Like an airbag deployed, safety'sounce.
[02:19.952]I embraced my patient role, newfound care,
[02:22.683]Project's future, now a consideration to bear.
[02:25.263]And so, in July, the twelfth day of the year twenty-one,
[02:30.250]Hospital doors opened, a journey begun.