I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed "I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always the bride" I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart Yet, remember these sweet words, "Till death do us part" I married many men, a ton of them Because I was untrue to none of them Because I bumped off every one of them To keep my love alive Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me At night he was a horse's neck to me So I performed an appendectomy To keep my love alive Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing And now he plays where harps are just the thing To keep my love alive To keep my love alive I thought Sir George had possibilities But his flirtations made me ill at ease And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease To keep my love alive Sir Charles came from a sanatorium And yelled for drinks in my emporium I mixed one drink, he's in memoriam To keep my love alive Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he could fly Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide He killed his dad and that was patricide One night I stabbed him by my mattress side To keep my love alive To keep my love alive To keep my love alive
I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed "I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always the bride" I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart Yet, remember these sweet words, "Till death do us part" I married many men, a ton of them Because I was untrue to none of them Because I bumped off every one of them To keep my love alive Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me At night he was a horse's neck to me So I performed an appendectomy To keep my love alive Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing And now he plays where harps are just the thing To keep my love alive To keep my love alive I thought Sir George had possibilities But his flirtations made me ill at ease And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease To keep my love alive Sir Charles came from a sanatorium And yelled for drinks in my emporium I mixed one drink, he's in memoriam To keep my love alive Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he could fly Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide He killed his dad and that was patricide One night I stabbed him by my mattress side To keep my love alive To keep my love alive To keep my love alive
